My last entry was back on September 24th. Reason being, I have been unhappy and frustrated with my current state of unemployment. One would think that unemployment bring loads of time to us each day to accomplish all of those tasks we say we'll get to but never have time because of our jobs. Well, it's not true. My days go by and my list of accomplishments go untouched. It has been almost seven months since my lay off status began and my closets are packed, the garage is a dirty messy pit, the back yard needs attention and oh yeah, the little neighbor girl is growing up and has better things to do than my outside chores so, the weeds are knee high (I keep praying for a frost to kill the dam things) and there's pine cones and leaves blanketed over our one acre piece of land. The time flies and I have nothing to show for it. Come evening time I look back on my empty list of accomplished tasks and say, "where did the time go?" Then I check to see if my favorite shows are on and pop some corn for the dogs and I.
Anwyay, writing about dark and sticky unhappy things makes me more unhappy. I'm still not on top of the world but, in a much better place. Have you every felt like life is controlling you instead of controlling your own life? I have and still do. But, awareness is half the solution to the problem right?
So, once again, I am starting over with a new and stronger attitude. It's time to yank my feet out of the quicksand that has been sucking me down and move. What a great metaphor. I could write pages and pages of phsycho babble that includes crazy childhood with crazy mother and rigid angry father that has affected me through my current adult life or, sum it up in a cozy little metaphor about being stuck in quick sand.
Anyway, I vow to continue to blog on a regular basis whether life is sunshiny or grey.
Outlook, sunny with patches of grey.
Day 18 Better Me
Doctor appointment for my foot today. Nothing wrong other than need to back off of it and learn my limitations. So, the good news is, there's no fractures etc. Bad news is, there's nothing wrong and I'm just going to have to lay off of it and learn my limitations. Also, if intense pain stays, I need another surgery. I do believe taking off 20 - 30 lbs. will help the pain level in a big way if not relieve it all together.
Food wise I had a bad day and had a bad day anyway.
I don't want to get into a list of what I ate today but let's say this. I made two trips through the Oberwiss Dairy drive through. What a day.
Food wise I had a bad day and had a bad day anyway.
I don't want to get into a list of what I ate today but let's say this. I made two trips through the Oberwiss Dairy drive through. What a day.
Day 17 Better Me?
Here we go. Date night is here. I am locked & loaded with healthy meals and snacks. Am also motivated after watching Biggest Loser last night. This blogging is a huge bummer when I'm not happy about things but, it keeps me honest. I can't walk away from this. If I do, I'll have no hope of really becoming a better me.
The day is so far so good. If I can get through one week of non over indulgence or in today's terms, NOI, it will create the breakthrough feeling and confidence that may snowball me into success. So, let's hope this is N.O.I. week! Yay!!!!!
Didn't drink or smoke. Trumphant! Did eat two carameled apples. It's o.k. Get the one under control and then rest will follow. Now, for the weekend.
1 - 5.... 1 but not bitter about it
The day is so far so good. If I can get through one week of non over indulgence or in today's terms, NOI, it will create the breakthrough feeling and confidence that may snowball me into success. So, let's hope this is N.O.I. week! Yay!!!!!
Didn't drink or smoke. Trumphant! Did eat two carameled apples. It's o.k. Get the one under control and then rest will follow. Now, for the weekend.
1 - 5.... 1 but not bitter about it
Day 16 Better Me
At 6am-ish I always have the great intentions and will power to stand by my goals and future accomplishments. Woke up at 5am, put the coffee on and have been writing.
Now it's time to hop in the shower and meet my trainer at 8am.
OK, met trainer who has made me stronger but I haven't lost an ounce. Yeah yeah yeah, fat to muscle displacement. Whatever. I'm 30 lbs overweight and it's NOT MUSCLE.
I am struggling so hard with the eating instead of smoking stuff. I did not smoke and only over ate a little. Like a taffy apple, couple pieces of chocolate, bowl of cereal etc. Tomorrow is date night. I love date night but I also make it party night and overindulge. Really really fun at the time but am regretful on the scale later. So, I will continue to work on moderation. Happy fun moderation.
1 - 5 .... 1
Now it's time to hop in the shower and meet my trainer at 8am.
OK, met trainer who has made me stronger but I haven't lost an ounce. Yeah yeah yeah, fat to muscle displacement. Whatever. I'm 30 lbs overweight and it's NOT MUSCLE.
I am struggling so hard with the eating instead of smoking stuff. I did not smoke and only over ate a little. Like a taffy apple, couple pieces of chocolate, bowl of cereal etc. Tomorrow is date night. I love date night but I also make it party night and overindulge. Really really fun at the time but am regretful on the scale later. So, I will continue to work on moderation. Happy fun moderation.
1 - 5 .... 1
Day 15 Better Me Week 2 = Gained 1/2 Pound
Still not a better me. Yes, I did resist cigarette withdrawl but ate and snacked to stay away from them. It's the vicious circle of drinking three days a week and on the off days jones-ing for a smoke and sucking on candy.
I jumped into my first chapter of Six Sigma home study today and feel GREAT about it. The revisit of information has really sunk into my noggin now. Passed the test with an 80% success. Yay! Now on to the other 15 chapters.
Also contacted the management of my old company to let them know I've completed 50% of this education process and received very positive responses. My plan is working. These efforts will float me to the top of the hay stack of unemployed bodies out here. Hopefully they'll pitchfork me and toss me into the pile of employed soon. This may create a little bloodshed. Bring it on!!!
Started the day great with healthy small meals of fruit, yogurt, oatmeal. Derailed in the evening when cigarette need and frustration set in. A little chocolate and two bowls of cereal later will maybe not add weight but it will not allow for weight loss. The scale says I gained a half a pound. Bah!
Scale of 1 - 5..... 1
I jumped into my first chapter of Six Sigma home study today and feel GREAT about it. The revisit of information has really sunk into my noggin now. Passed the test with an 80% success. Yay! Now on to the other 15 chapters.
Also contacted the management of my old company to let them know I've completed 50% of this education process and received very positive responses. My plan is working. These efforts will float me to the top of the hay stack of unemployed bodies out here. Hopefully they'll pitchfork me and toss me into the pile of employed soon. This may create a little bloodshed. Bring it on!!!
Started the day great with healthy small meals of fruit, yogurt, oatmeal. Derailed in the evening when cigarette need and frustration set in. A little chocolate and two bowls of cereal later will maybe not add weight but it will not allow for weight loss. The scale says I gained a half a pound. Bah!
Scale of 1 - 5..... 1
Days 11 - 14 Better Me
I am a firm believer that anyone can learn anything if they apply themselves Except for those born with, perhaps, a disability or retardation. I think I’m retarded.
I will continue to make the title "Better Me" because somewhere in this process I will become a better me. These three days were plain and simple, bad. Every weekend I completely derail and eat, drink and smoke cigarettes as if these are my last days on earth. We go to our little house up north and I let it all loosen up. It's like another land where the home rules don't apply but as soon as I step back into Illinois everything ingested on the weekend resurrects itself and fat cells grow, brain cells die and, in general, my body degrades overall just a little.
The key here is to find the strength within myself to let go of these old habits. This is a lifestyle that I have been unable to let go of for over five years now. I feel like I'd be turning into an un-fun person. Hmmm un-fun or die earlier of something hideous like cancer while all the time living with intense aches and pains from over stressing out my joints.
I'm going to keep trying. Einstein said it's the crazy person who illustrates the same behavior over and over expecting different results. (or something like that)
Days 11 - 14. Scale 1 - 5.... 0 I fear I've gained weight. Because I KNOW I've put on at least a pound from the beer and 2 bottles of wine alone.
I will continue to make the title "Better Me" because somewhere in this process I will become a better me. These three days were plain and simple, bad. Every weekend I completely derail and eat, drink and smoke cigarettes as if these are my last days on earth. We go to our little house up north and I let it all loosen up. It's like another land where the home rules don't apply but as soon as I step back into Illinois everything ingested on the weekend resurrects itself and fat cells grow, brain cells die and, in general, my body degrades overall just a little.
The key here is to find the strength within myself to let go of these old habits. This is a lifestyle that I have been unable to let go of for over five years now. I feel like I'd be turning into an un-fun person. Hmmm un-fun or die earlier of something hideous like cancer while all the time living with intense aches and pains from over stressing out my joints.
I'm going to keep trying. Einstein said it's the crazy person who illustrates the same behavior over and over expecting different results. (or something like that)
Days 11 - 14. Scale 1 - 5.... 0 I fear I've gained weight. Because I KNOW I've put on at least a pound from the beer and 2 bottles of wine alone.
Day 10 Better Me
Hmmm, I have got to focus. Focus on everything. On my over eating, in my class, on my myself and my future. This is not funny. I'm unhappy and scared and have lost all my (as mom used call it) "moxy". What the hell is moxy? I get it but what exactly is moxy? Hold on, I'm going to Dictionary.com.
mox⋅ie /–noun Slang.
1. vigor; verve; pep.
2. courage and aggressiveness; nerve.
3. skill; know-how.
Well, that is spot-on. I used to have lots and lots of moxie. Now I have none. I need my moxie back!
In the meantime today I ate... A banana, granola bar, tons of coffee, a chicken ceasar salad with a little dressing, two small rolls with butter, a large cookie, a weight watchers dinner, four small squares of left over pizza, one Twizzler and a small scoop of frozen vanilla yogurt with malt powder and chocolate syrup.
Scale of 1 - 5... 1.5 Please God, Jesus, Angels and any dead people who are spirits now and know and love me, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you. :-)
mox⋅ie /–noun Slang.
1. vigor; verve; pep.
2. courage and aggressiveness; nerve.
3. skill; know-how.
Well, that is spot-on. I used to have lots and lots of moxie. Now I have none. I need my moxie back!
In the meantime today I ate... A banana, granola bar, tons of coffee, a chicken ceasar salad with a little dressing, two small rolls with butter, a large cookie, a weight watchers dinner, four small squares of left over pizza, one Twizzler and a small scoop of frozen vanilla yogurt with malt powder and chocolate syrup.
Scale of 1 - 5... 1.5 Please God, Jesus, Angels and any dead people who are spirits now and know and love me, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you. :-)
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